Yesterday didn't post because I was thinking a lot..and I think I probably made the wrong choice of going to your house to surprise you..because it seemed more of an unpleasant surprise but I really wanted to just study at your place and teach you how to wear the lenses. But nvm..hm..
anw, today (the 16th day you left me) I am really happy to see you even though you are so tired as usual..but becoz I've finally understood why and learned to accept you for who you are, my temper didn't come up at all..and after you left me that day, I saw this story being shared on FB:
A farmer has a very hot-tempered son. He was thinking of how to curb it. One day, he told his son
farmer: son, you have a very bad temper..look, from now on, whenever you are angry and you've said things when you are angry, I want you to knock 1 nail into the fence.
son: ok dad.
And the son did it each time he is angry. Finally after 37 nails, the son told his father
son: father, it's being quite sometime since I last got angry.
farmer: good, now I want you to take our the nails one by one whenever you feel angry but was able to cool down without hurting anyone.
The son did as told and after the last nail was removed. The farmer told the son,
farmer: look, even though your anger is gone, what you have done/said in the moment of anger, has left all these holes on the party receiving it and these holes are never easy to mend back.
After reading this story, I immediately regretted raising my voice and using harsh words. Had I read this inspirational story earlier, I'd probably have controlled my temper better. I am sorry laopo, I juz wanna get back with you again. Seeing you being tired, it pains me..but at least when I can be there to tc of you and let you lean, I feel so much better..I don't want to let you suffer alone anymore..I know in the past, I've not done enough..and even though sometimes you might feel undeserving, you are not..becoz there's no such thing as deserving or not when it comes to you..it's juz plain love..i did everything for you out of my true love..
I really enjoyed our time in Australia because every morning when I wake up, I see you..and I get to kiss you goodnight just before we turn in together..it was the most blissful thing I've ever experienced..becoz it really felt like we are husband and wife alrdy! So laopo, come back to me soon k?? I am really determined to give you a good life becoz in my eyes, you are alrdy my good wife....I've been complaining that I do not want to study anymore, but you are my motivation in life..I was able to mug so hard in the first sem becoz everytym I mug, I'm doing it for our future..that I can get a good job and you won't be so xin ku in the future..
as vocal as I can be, many times all these tots I tend not to share with you becoz I do not wan to give you pressure that you are not deserving..but mayb I shared too little that you felt I didn't love and care for you..but the answer is definitely NO! I think I care for you as much as your parents do, if not more..I'd rather you focus on your work..becoz I know you graduating alrdy and need to build up your resume so I supported you in a way which I felt will be least pressurising for you..but mayb becoz of that you felt I didn't support or even to the extend of putting you down..hm..I don't know when you will see all these that I've wrote..but no matter when you see it, it'll always be my true feelings..not a tinge of it is fake or written just to sweet talk you..I'll always love you no matter what..and I hope you will start to accept my love once again...
Labels: 16th day w/o you
